An Open Letter to some Women at My Gym

Dear Ladies,

There are 3 of you I'd like to address, but I'd like to speak to each of you individually.

I'd like to start with Jen, the instructor of my yoga class last week. First of all, let me start by thanking you for letting a novice like me into your class. It was quite clear about about the first 5 minutes that I have ZERO experience and my classmates have a lot. I appreciate you not kicking me out for that alone. Now, I'd also like to say I think you're crazy. Please don't take it personally if I can only make your classes every other week or so. Or until my "core muscles" stop revolting and allow me back in the studio, because even 5 days later, they're still pretty pissed.

Secondly, I'd like to address the woman who worked out next to me this past Saturday. You were on a cross trainer. I would mostly like to remind you that we belong to a GYM. People go there to work out, which includes sweating and generally looking gross during and after this process. I don't really share your obsessive need to use Clorox Wipes on the machine before you get on it and I think you should at the very least consider that the fumes from that bleach based product are a little overwhelming to your neighbors that have already been working out. Secondly, there is no reason at all to get out a mirror mid-workout to check your hair. If you still look good, I'd like to venture that you're probably not exactly working out. You're just walking without actually getting anywhere. Finally, I would like to comment on your reading material during your workout. I am all for reading whatever you want, but I have to wonder how much knowledge you could possibly be gaining from David McCullough's John Adams while on a cross trainer. I really wanted to ask you this question and almost did, but it was at that point you put on earbuds, but kept the book out. So I ask you now, was it a book on tape and you were just following along? There are so many questions I have for you and I truly hope to see you in the gym again soon. I'll bring a hairbrush just in case your hair gets messed up (you can disinfect it if you want).

Lastly, I would like to address the machine stalker lady. You know who you are. I've seen you machine stalking twice. This past Saturday, I was working out on a crossramp and you asked me how long I would be. I know I'm new to the gym but is this acceptable behavior??? I don't know, but I surely did NOT like being asked that question. So I told you the truth, "I don't know how much longer. Maybe 10-15 minutes." (I knew this was probably a lie. I had already been on it about 9 minutes and adding another 15 would mean that I was on the machine for almost 25 minutes which I didn't think I could do. Last time, I was on that machine for 15 minutes and I was pretty sure I was going to die when I got off it). At this point you should have WALKED AWAY and come back later. And why didn't you ask the guy next to me how long he'd be? He was on the exact same machine as me! But did you walk away? No you didn't. You sat on the floor next to the machine and started stretching. And you hovered for almost 20 minutes. Creeper. At least you got the hint and finally walked away. But really, despite this odd behavior, I would like to thank you. What you don't know about me is I'm extremely stubborn. And its thanks to your crazy behavior, I stayed on that machine for 45 minutes. I have never been more proud of myself and my stubborn attitude. Like the OCD lady, I really do hope I see you again. And I hope you help me work on that crossramp for an hour.

Happy working out to all 3 of you girls!

-Abby

Later this week, I have my 2nd month weigh in at the surgeon's office!