MAY 9, 2010
Well the time has almost come. I will admit that I've been purposefully avoiding the blog the last 2 weeks because I didn't want to come across as the whiny child that I've been.
This mostly liquid diet has been harder in some ways than I've ever expected. In the first 2-3 days, I was HUNGRY all the time. I woke up hungry, was hungry all day, and went to sleep hungry. I was cranky with people, for no reason, other than I was hungry! I would also like to point out, do you have any idea how many commericals are on TV or the radio for FOOD? I challenge you, the next time you catch an entire episode of GLEE or The Good Wife, count how many commericals are for, contain or in some way reference food. I bet you'll be shocked. The hardest part has been being around people that get to eat whatever they want. That absolutely sucks the most.
But I'll also admit that there are parts that are easier than I had expected. After the first 3 days, my hunger for the most part is gone. I don't feel like I need to eat really ever anymore. I have to remind myself to drink my mid-day shake. Otherwise its 3pm and I haven't had any nourishment since 7:30am (which apparently is NOT ok). Another great part about this is the weight loss. Since I started this diet 12 days ago, I've lost about 15 pounds. As of this morning my unofficial weight loss is 30 pounds! I have never been so excited about the number on the scale. While I realize it will make me a suckup or a loser or both, I have put in a request to stop at the surgeons office on my way in the hospital to get an official weight. I just WANT to know.
But the best part is the support I've been getting from the girls that are also having surgery tomorrow or Tuesday. Its nice to hear I'm not the only one that has bad days, struggles with chocolate cravings due to PMS, or finds those protein shakes unpalatable. I think some of them read this blog, so I hope you all realize how much your support has meant to me and I can't wait to see you on Tuesday afternoon when we're all done with this surgery :)
I have to say that the support I've been receiving, not just from the girls who are also having surgery, but from family, friends, and my church family has been absolutely amazing. Its so heart-warming to have so many people standing beside me through all of this. While this process definitely is NOT coming to a close this week, I couldn't be more grateful for everyone's support and love through this.
I am told that there is WiFi in the hospital, so I will do my best to post something on Tuesday or Wednesday before I'm released!
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Life as I knew it is. . .OVER
APRIL 25, 2010
Last night, I sat in a 3 1/2 hour educational seminar about the next 2 weeks (my pre-op time) and my first year post-op. Let me tell you the list of things I'm NOT allowed to eat effective now: Carbs-including bread, pasta, cereal or grain. Fruit of any kind (too much sugar). Starchy vegetables (potatoes, corn, peas). Dairy (except some cheeses). Fats and surgars of any kind.
So what does that leave me to eat? Well, I'm officially on a 550 calorie/day diet that consists of 2-8oz protein shakes (that taste mostly like sour milk or rotten eggs I can't decide), 4 oz of lean protien, 1/2 cup vegetables, and up to 1 cup/day of sugar free jello or vegetable/chicken broth. Thats it. I'm only about an hour into this because I was fasting this morning for my bloodwork, but let me just say, SERIOUSLY? And I had virtually no warning, so I guess if you ask me what my death row meal would be, I'd be forced to answer a crispy chicken sandwich from McDonalds and some Cookie Dough ice cream, though technically I picked all of the cookie dough out of it and didn't eat any ice cream. And because I haven't had fast food in over a year, I paid for that last meal with a severely upset stomach all night.
I'm whining a bit, I know, but it wasn't all bad news last night. We talked about post-op expectations and vitamins. The best part of the night though was the other people in the class. As we were waiting for class to begin, we were talking and found out that we all are having surgery on either Monday 5/10 or Tuesday 5/11. We all will be on the same floor of the hospital (in private rooms though, which will be nice). At the end of class we exchanged emails and already several emails have been sent. I will admit, the support system from other bariatric patients seemed to be lacking for me, so I'm really excited to get to know these 6 women and be able to share these experiences with them.
As the surgery gets closer and closer, I'm getting more and more excited, mixed with a little nervousness, but mostly excited!
Last night, I sat in a 3 1/2 hour educational seminar about the next 2 weeks (my pre-op time) and my first year post-op. Let me tell you the list of things I'm NOT allowed to eat effective now: Carbs-including bread, pasta, cereal or grain. Fruit of any kind (too much sugar). Starchy vegetables (potatoes, corn, peas). Dairy (except some cheeses). Fats and surgars of any kind.
So what does that leave me to eat? Well, I'm officially on a 550 calorie/day diet that consists of 2-8oz protein shakes (that taste mostly like sour milk or rotten eggs I can't decide), 4 oz of lean protien, 1/2 cup vegetables, and up to 1 cup/day of sugar free jello or vegetable/chicken broth. Thats it. I'm only about an hour into this because I was fasting this morning for my bloodwork, but let me just say, SERIOUSLY? And I had virtually no warning, so I guess if you ask me what my death row meal would be, I'd be forced to answer a crispy chicken sandwich from McDonalds and some Cookie Dough ice cream, though technically I picked all of the cookie dough out of it and didn't eat any ice cream. And because I haven't had fast food in over a year, I paid for that last meal with a severely upset stomach all night.
I'm whining a bit, I know, but it wasn't all bad news last night. We talked about post-op expectations and vitamins. The best part of the night though was the other people in the class. As we were waiting for class to begin, we were talking and found out that we all are having surgery on either Monday 5/10 or Tuesday 5/11. We all will be on the same floor of the hospital (in private rooms though, which will be nice). At the end of class we exchanged emails and already several emails have been sent. I will admit, the support system from other bariatric patients seemed to be lacking for me, so I'm really excited to get to know these 6 women and be able to share these experiences with them.
As the surgery gets closer and closer, I'm getting more and more excited, mixed with a little nervousness, but mostly excited!
Monday, April 19, 2010
An unexpected call
I just received an unexpected call from Cherish, the Bariatric Coordinator at my surgeons office. She was calling to SCHEDULE MY SURGERY!!! I'm overwhelmingly excited! I have scheduled my procedure for May 11th.
There is, of course, more work to be done before I can actually have surgery. First, I have to attend a mandatory educational class next Monday. I'm not exactly sure what that's about, but I will definitely be there and ready to learn more about the process. Secondly, I have to have some blood work done by the hospital. I'm told they will call me next week to schedule that, so I really don't have anything to do for that right now. Finally, I have my last presurgical consult with my surgeon on 4/30 to sign the consent form and my final physical exam (which if its anything like the last one involved him listen to my heart and looking in my throat- that's it!)
So that's it! Surgery is finally scheduled!
There is, of course, more work to be done before I can actually have surgery. First, I have to attend a mandatory educational class next Monday. I'm not exactly sure what that's about, but I will definitely be there and ready to learn more about the process. Secondly, I have to have some blood work done by the hospital. I'm told they will call me next week to schedule that, so I really don't have anything to do for that right now. Finally, I have my last presurgical consult with my surgeon on 4/30 to sign the consent form and my final physical exam (which if its anything like the last one involved him listen to my heart and looking in my throat- that's it!)
So that's it! Surgery is finally scheduled!
More waiting. . .
APRIL 19, 2010
So I faxed in my letter from the insurance company to the surgeons office, specifically the insurance specialist. I then called her to talk about it and I was informed that I she doesn't work Mondays anymore. Must be nice. . . Anyway I'm told she'll call me later this week to review my letter and my file and schedule surgery. Have I ever mentioned how IMPATIENT I am???
So I faxed in my letter from the insurance company to the surgeons office, specifically the insurance specialist. I then called her to talk about it and I was informed that I she doesn't work Mondays anymore. Must be nice. . . Anyway I'm told she'll call me later this week to review my letter and my file and schedule surgery. Have I ever mentioned how IMPATIENT I am???
Saturday, April 17, 2010
And the verdict is. . .
APRIL 8, 2010
Since my last post, life has been very busy. 2 of my parents turned 60 (I have 4 in case you didn't know), my sister had a birthday, and I got a new nephew via stork. My nephew was born on the day of my last weigh in. I had officially lost 9 1/2 lbs. Sometimes I forget that when I weigh myself at home, I'm just in a bath towel. Clothes have weight to them! But that 9 1/2 lbs is enough to apply for my surgery with my insurance company. So I spoke with the insurance specialist again and she promised she would send out my packet the next day at the latest! She told me it would take 2-3 to process and get a response.
APRIL 17, 2010
I was sorting through the mail today and happened across a letter from my insurance company. Could this be? Do I have a response already?!? I ripped into it and read the very short letter. Now, I don't speak legalese and so I need to have it officially translated for me, but I think what it says is I'M COVERED FOR SURGERY! I will admit this letter is slightly bittersweet. I am covered for a gastric banding procedure, which is good. But its not the surgery I was hoping to have (which was a sleeve gastrectomy procedure). I will get over my initial disappointment because I'm so ready to have this done! I will call the surgeons office on Monday and get this thing scheduled ASAP. Last I heard, surgeries were being scheduled about 3 weeks out, so there is a very distinct possibility that I could have this surgery during the first week of May! (That statement is SO exciting to me!)
Since my last post, life has been very busy. 2 of my parents turned 60 (I have 4 in case you didn't know), my sister had a birthday, and I got a new nephew via stork. My nephew was born on the day of my last weigh in. I had officially lost 9 1/2 lbs. Sometimes I forget that when I weigh myself at home, I'm just in a bath towel. Clothes have weight to them! But that 9 1/2 lbs is enough to apply for my surgery with my insurance company. So I spoke with the insurance specialist again and she promised she would send out my packet the next day at the latest! She told me it would take 2-3 to process and get a response.
APRIL 17, 2010
I was sorting through the mail today and happened across a letter from my insurance company. Could this be? Do I have a response already?!? I ripped into it and read the very short letter. Now, I don't speak legalese and so I need to have it officially translated for me, but I think what it says is I'M COVERED FOR SURGERY! I will admit this letter is slightly bittersweet. I am covered for a gastric banding procedure, which is good. But its not the surgery I was hoping to have (which was a sleeve gastrectomy procedure). I will get over my initial disappointment because I'm so ready to have this done! I will call the surgeons office on Monday and get this thing scheduled ASAP. Last I heard, surgeries were being scheduled about 3 weeks out, so there is a very distinct possibility that I could have this surgery during the first week of May! (That statement is SO exciting to me!)
Monday, April 5, 2010
March rolls on by. . .
March has come and gone. Nothing major has changed with this surgical process, just a bunch of WAITING that is driving me CRAZY!! (good thing I've already had my psych consult huh?) Only a few minor details are still left to iron out.
I got all of the bills from my consults. The ensuing arguments about insurance co-pays and what is covered and what goes towards my deductible has been exhausting. And the fact that I changed insurance carriers halfway through this process didn't make things any easier for me either. But, all's well that ends well right? As of March 25, I was completely settled with my consults and the surgeons office for my first visits. It doesn't sound like much, but I'm really glad that its all over with.
I've been continuing to work out at the gym on a fairly regular basis. I try for every other day, taking Fridays and Saturdays off. That's 3 days a week, concentrating on at least 25 minutes of cardio with my heart rate over 165 bpm (yes I know its crazy, but its just how it is for now) and another 25 minutes or so on the weight machines. The weather has also gotten nice, so I've also been trying to walk on my off days at the park or forest preserve that are near my house.
I've also began eliminating things from my diet and habits that I can't have around the time of or after surgery. I started by giving up caffeine, which I can't have for a few weeks before surgery and several months after. I will admit it was difficult, especially the first week. I was seriously wishing there was a group meeting that I could attend called Starbucks Anonymous. But I have done really really well with the no caffeine rule, I've cheated only twice in the last 8 weeks (which anyone who has ever dieted before knows is pretty decent. And I still claim having to be at church before 7am on a Sunday morning deserves a little jolt first). Included in that no caf thing is chocolate. I understand there is minimal caffeine in chocolate, but I'm doing my best to stay away from it, too. The next thing I gave up was alcohol. I have problems talking about giving up the booze, because it makes me sound like an alcoholic, which I am NOT. But I LIKE martinis and wine, and every now and then a cold Blue Moon. But I did give it all up about 3 weeks ago and its been going fine. Its just hard to watch the other people around you enjoying things you KNOW taste good. (But I get the feeling that might be a recurring theme in my future, so I guess it good to practice now)
I will admit the hardest part of this whole process has been telling people. I don't think the fear that I have of telling people goes any farther than openly admitting to having a problem that I can't handle on my own. But the fear is still there and the last 6 weeks or so, I've started to tell some people and each time I tell someone it seems to get easier and easier. I feel pretty good that basically all of my family and all of my friends know. (And it makes life smoother when people aren't thinking I'm pregnant when I pass on the cocktails-which someone did ask me). The strange part of telling people are the few random people that tell me "I know someone that had that done and it didn't go well for them." I would like to ask these people (but didn't because I'm apparently too polite) what the hell they're thinking? If someone says to you, "Hey I bought new car,' you don't say, 'I know someone who almost died in car accident a few years ago.'
Anyway, (I'm gonna move on from that because I could really call some people out on that one. Like my boss) this week on Thursday I have my April weigh in. As you probably remember, I have to lose 6 pounds over a 3 month period. When I weighed in at the beginning of March, I was down about 6 pounds, so all I had to do was maintain it for another month, as of this morning, I'm unofficially down 12.5 lbs, so as long as I can stay where I'm at, I will be a happy camper :)
If all goes according to plan, my full insurance application will be sent out at the end of the week. I'm told it usually takes the insurance company about 3 weeks to respond (but lets be more realistic and say a month?). After the insurance approval goes through, the surgeons office is scheduling surgeries about 3 weeks out. So I'm still shooting for mid-May for surgery, but only time will tell (but seriously, I think all this waiting is going to KILL me soon!).
I got all of the bills from my consults. The ensuing arguments about insurance co-pays and what is covered and what goes towards my deductible has been exhausting. And the fact that I changed insurance carriers halfway through this process didn't make things any easier for me either. But, all's well that ends well right? As of March 25, I was completely settled with my consults and the surgeons office for my first visits. It doesn't sound like much, but I'm really glad that its all over with.
I've been continuing to work out at the gym on a fairly regular basis. I try for every other day, taking Fridays and Saturdays off. That's 3 days a week, concentrating on at least 25 minutes of cardio with my heart rate over 165 bpm (yes I know its crazy, but its just how it is for now) and another 25 minutes or so on the weight machines. The weather has also gotten nice, so I've also been trying to walk on my off days at the park or forest preserve that are near my house.
I've also began eliminating things from my diet and habits that I can't have around the time of or after surgery. I started by giving up caffeine, which I can't have for a few weeks before surgery and several months after. I will admit it was difficult, especially the first week. I was seriously wishing there was a group meeting that I could attend called Starbucks Anonymous. But I have done really really well with the no caffeine rule, I've cheated only twice in the last 8 weeks (which anyone who has ever dieted before knows is pretty decent. And I still claim having to be at church before 7am on a Sunday morning deserves a little jolt first). Included in that no caf thing is chocolate. I understand there is minimal caffeine in chocolate, but I'm doing my best to stay away from it, too. The next thing I gave up was alcohol. I have problems talking about giving up the booze, because it makes me sound like an alcoholic, which I am NOT. But I LIKE martinis and wine, and every now and then a cold Blue Moon. But I did give it all up about 3 weeks ago and its been going fine. Its just hard to watch the other people around you enjoying things you KNOW taste good. (But I get the feeling that might be a recurring theme in my future, so I guess it good to practice now)
I will admit the hardest part of this whole process has been telling people. I don't think the fear that I have of telling people goes any farther than openly admitting to having a problem that I can't handle on my own. But the fear is still there and the last 6 weeks or so, I've started to tell some people and each time I tell someone it seems to get easier and easier. I feel pretty good that basically all of my family and all of my friends know. (And it makes life smoother when people aren't thinking I'm pregnant when I pass on the cocktails-which someone did ask me). The strange part of telling people are the few random people that tell me "I know someone that had that done and it didn't go well for them." I would like to ask these people (but didn't because I'm apparently too polite) what the hell they're thinking? If someone says to you, "Hey I bought new car,' you don't say, 'I know someone who almost died in car accident a few years ago.'
Anyway, (I'm gonna move on from that because I could really call some people out on that one. Like my boss) this week on Thursday I have my April weigh in. As you probably remember, I have to lose 6 pounds over a 3 month period. When I weighed in at the beginning of March, I was down about 6 pounds, so all I had to do was maintain it for another month, as of this morning, I'm unofficially down 12.5 lbs, so as long as I can stay where I'm at, I will be a happy camper :)
If all goes according to plan, my full insurance application will be sent out at the end of the week. I'm told it usually takes the insurance company about 3 weeks to respond (but lets be more realistic and say a month?). After the insurance approval goes through, the surgeons office is scheduling surgeries about 3 weeks out. So I'm still shooting for mid-May for surgery, but only time will tell (but seriously, I think all this waiting is going to KILL me soon!).
Monday, March 1, 2010
An Open Letter to some Women at My Gym
Dear Ladies,
There are 3 of you I'd like to address, but I'd like to speak to each of you individually.
I'd like to start with Jen, the instructor of my yoga class last week. First of all, let me start by thanking you for letting a novice like me into your class. It was quite clear about about the first 5 minutes that I have ZERO experience and my classmates have a lot. I appreciate you not kicking me out for that alone. Now, I'd also like to say I think you're crazy. Please don't take it personally if I can only make your classes every other week or so. Or until my "core muscles" stop revolting and allow me back in the studio, because even 5 days later, they're still pretty pissed.
Secondly, I'd like to address the woman who worked out next to me this past Saturday. You were on a cross trainer. I would mostly like to remind you that we belong to a GYM. People go there to work out, which includes sweating and generally looking gross during and after this process. I don't really share your obsessive need to use Clorox Wipes on the machine before you get on it and I think you should at the very least consider that the fumes from that bleach based product are a little overwhelming to your neighbors that have already been working out. Secondly, there is no reason at all to get out a mirror mid-workout to check your hair. If you still look good, I'd like to venture that you're probably not exactly working out. You're just walking without actually getting anywhere. Finally, I would like to comment on your reading material during your workout. I am all for reading whatever you want, but I have to wonder how much knowledge you could possibly be gaining from David McCullough's John Adams while on a cross trainer. I really wanted to ask you this question and almost did, but it was at that point you put on earbuds, but kept the book out. So I ask you now, was it a book on tape and you were just following along? There are so many questions I have for you and I truly hope to see you in the gym again soon. I'll bring a hairbrush just in case your hair gets messed up (you can disinfect it if you want).
Lastly, I would like to address the machine stalker lady. You know who you are. I've seen you machine stalking twice. This past Saturday, I was working out on a crossramp and you asked me how long I would be. I know I'm new to the gym but is this acceptable behavior??? I don't know, but I surely did NOT like being asked that question. So I told you the truth, "I don't know how much longer. Maybe 10-15 minutes." (I knew this was probably a lie. I had already been on it about 9 minutes and adding another 15 would mean that I was on the machine for almost 25 minutes which I didn't think I could do. Last time, I was on that machine for 15 minutes and I was pretty sure I was going to die when I got off it). At this point you should have WALKED AWAY and come back later. And why didn't you ask the guy next to me how long he'd be? He was on the exact same machine as me! But did you walk away? No you didn't. You sat on the floor next to the machine and started stretching. And you hovered for almost 20 minutes. Creeper. At least you got the hint and finally walked away. But really, despite this odd behavior, I would like to thank you. What you don't know about me is I'm extremely stubborn. And its thanks to your crazy behavior, I stayed on that machine for 45 minutes. I have never been more proud of myself and my stubborn attitude. Like the OCD lady, I really do hope I see you again. And I hope you help me work on that crossramp for an hour.
Happy working out to all 3 of you girls!
-Abby
Later this week, I have my 2nd month weigh in at the surgeon's office!
There are 3 of you I'd like to address, but I'd like to speak to each of you individually.
I'd like to start with Jen, the instructor of my yoga class last week. First of all, let me start by thanking you for letting a novice like me into your class. It was quite clear about about the first 5 minutes that I have ZERO experience and my classmates have a lot. I appreciate you not kicking me out for that alone. Now, I'd also like to say I think you're crazy. Please don't take it personally if I can only make your classes every other week or so. Or until my "core muscles" stop revolting and allow me back in the studio, because even 5 days later, they're still pretty pissed.
Secondly, I'd like to address the woman who worked out next to me this past Saturday. You were on a cross trainer. I would mostly like to remind you that we belong to a GYM. People go there to work out, which includes sweating and generally looking gross during and after this process. I don't really share your obsessive need to use Clorox Wipes on the machine before you get on it and I think you should at the very least consider that the fumes from that bleach based product are a little overwhelming to your neighbors that have already been working out. Secondly, there is no reason at all to get out a mirror mid-workout to check your hair. If you still look good, I'd like to venture that you're probably not exactly working out. You're just walking without actually getting anywhere. Finally, I would like to comment on your reading material during your workout. I am all for reading whatever you want, but I have to wonder how much knowledge you could possibly be gaining from David McCullough's John Adams while on a cross trainer. I really wanted to ask you this question and almost did, but it was at that point you put on earbuds, but kept the book out. So I ask you now, was it a book on tape and you were just following along? There are so many questions I have for you and I truly hope to see you in the gym again soon. I'll bring a hairbrush just in case your hair gets messed up (you can disinfect it if you want).
Lastly, I would like to address the machine stalker lady. You know who you are. I've seen you machine stalking twice. This past Saturday, I was working out on a crossramp and you asked me how long I would be. I know I'm new to the gym but is this acceptable behavior??? I don't know, but I surely did NOT like being asked that question. So I told you the truth, "I don't know how much longer. Maybe 10-15 minutes." (I knew this was probably a lie. I had already been on it about 9 minutes and adding another 15 would mean that I was on the machine for almost 25 minutes which I didn't think I could do. Last time, I was on that machine for 15 minutes and I was pretty sure I was going to die when I got off it). At this point you should have WALKED AWAY and come back later. And why didn't you ask the guy next to me how long he'd be? He was on the exact same machine as me! But did you walk away? No you didn't. You sat on the floor next to the machine and started stretching. And you hovered for almost 20 minutes. Creeper. At least you got the hint and finally walked away. But really, despite this odd behavior, I would like to thank you. What you don't know about me is I'm extremely stubborn. And its thanks to your crazy behavior, I stayed on that machine for 45 minutes. I have never been more proud of myself and my stubborn attitude. Like the OCD lady, I really do hope I see you again. And I hope you help me work on that crossramp for an hour.
Happy working out to all 3 of you girls!
-Abby
Later this week, I have my 2nd month weigh in at the surgeon's office!
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Webster's Dictionary defines the word "ready" as. . .
READY: prepared mentally or physically for some experience or action; prepared for immediate use; willingly disposed; inclined; likely to do something indicated, displayed readily and spontaneously.
No this is not the start of a 3 paragraph high school theme paper. The word "ready" is important for a few reasons. First, every time I tell someone about my plans for surgery, inevitably the 2 questions they ask are, "Are you nervous?" and "Are you ready?" My answers never change. No, I'm not nervous and yes, I'm ready. But the more important reason the word "ready" matters is because this past week, I finally understood what it meant to be ready for this surgery and for the change that will come from it.
After a successful visit to the cardiologist this week, I found out that my heart murmur, while noticeable, is very mild and no cause for concern. There is no reason to treat it at this point and my only limitation is that I see a cardiologist every year to make sure it doesn't get any worse. So that means, I have received clearance from all 3 of the consults I needed. My file is now complete and ready to be sent to the insurance for approval when the time comes.
Even that is not really being ready for all of this. That happened sometime between last Tuesday and last Friday. I don't know exactly when it hit me (isn't that the case with most revelations?) but I know for sure the readiness was there last Friday, Feb 19. I know this because I willingly walked into a local fitness place and joined. And then I had some other errands to run, but when I was done. I went home and changed and went BACK to the gym and worked out for almost 45 minutes. If you know me at all, the sheer fact that I was willing to do this is a shock. And you will be even more shocked to know that I went back on Sunday, Monday, and again tonight. The gym thing could be scary. I'm so overweight and there is a temptation to let my mind wander into how the other people at the gym could be judging me. And I'm not really able at this point to run on a treadmill for an extended period of time or spend more than about 15 minutes on a bike or cross trainer. Those things could scare me, but I'm handling all just fine, taking it all at my own pace. (PS- Just in those first 4 days of cardio, I've dropped 4 pounds).
The true feeling of ready is an acceptance of the fact that I've made mistakes in the past regarding food, exercise, and my weight. And its not about making myself feel guilty for those mistakes, its about starting to make the right choices NOW. I can't change the decision I made last month not to take advantage of some gyms beginning of the year deals. And I can't change the 25 pounds I let myself gain after last spring's bad break up. What I can do is challenge myself to eat healthier today and plan for tomorrow so those choices are easier. And I can will myself to go to the gym and figure out how to work the ellipticals, the weight equipment, and that weird stair-mill thing.
So while you may not feel it or see it, I am already a changed woman. I can feel it way down in my core (which happens to be killing me after a particularly grueling yoga class this evening). And I can not WAIT to get this surgery scheduled and to have the procedure to make this process go smoother. So if you see me, go ahead and ask me. My answer now more than ever is, "Yes, I am READY!"
No this is not the start of a 3 paragraph high school theme paper. The word "ready" is important for a few reasons. First, every time I tell someone about my plans for surgery, inevitably the 2 questions they ask are, "Are you nervous?" and "Are you ready?" My answers never change. No, I'm not nervous and yes, I'm ready. But the more important reason the word "ready" matters is because this past week, I finally understood what it meant to be ready for this surgery and for the change that will come from it.
After a successful visit to the cardiologist this week, I found out that my heart murmur, while noticeable, is very mild and no cause for concern. There is no reason to treat it at this point and my only limitation is that I see a cardiologist every year to make sure it doesn't get any worse. So that means, I have received clearance from all 3 of the consults I needed. My file is now complete and ready to be sent to the insurance for approval when the time comes.
Even that is not really being ready for all of this. That happened sometime between last Tuesday and last Friday. I don't know exactly when it hit me (isn't that the case with most revelations?) but I know for sure the readiness was there last Friday, Feb 19. I know this because I willingly walked into a local fitness place and joined. And then I had some other errands to run, but when I was done. I went home and changed and went BACK to the gym and worked out for almost 45 minutes. If you know me at all, the sheer fact that I was willing to do this is a shock. And you will be even more shocked to know that I went back on Sunday, Monday, and again tonight. The gym thing could be scary. I'm so overweight and there is a temptation to let my mind wander into how the other people at the gym could be judging me. And I'm not really able at this point to run on a treadmill for an extended period of time or spend more than about 15 minutes on a bike or cross trainer. Those things could scare me, but I'm handling all just fine, taking it all at my own pace. (PS- Just in those first 4 days of cardio, I've dropped 4 pounds).
The true feeling of ready is an acceptance of the fact that I've made mistakes in the past regarding food, exercise, and my weight. And its not about making myself feel guilty for those mistakes, its about starting to make the right choices NOW. I can't change the decision I made last month not to take advantage of some gyms beginning of the year deals. And I can't change the 25 pounds I let myself gain after last spring's bad break up. What I can do is challenge myself to eat healthier today and plan for tomorrow so those choices are easier. And I can will myself to go to the gym and figure out how to work the ellipticals, the weight equipment, and that weird stair-mill thing.
So while you may not feel it or see it, I am already a changed woman. I can feel it way down in my core (which happens to be killing me after a particularly grueling yoga class this evening). And I can not WAIT to get this surgery scheduled and to have the procedure to make this process go smoother. So if you see me, go ahead and ask me. My answer now more than ever is, "Yes, I am READY!"
Monday, February 22, 2010
February's Work
FEB 2, 2010
This is the day of my first 'group meeting' through the surgeons office. I'll admit I was a little nervous going into this. I wasn't exactly sure what a 'group meeting' involved and since I rarely consider myself a joiner, that kind of meeting seemed a little much for me. But as its all part of the process, I conjured up my bravery and set off to the meeting. I checked in at the surgeons office and was weighed in (actually GAINING weight from my last appointment). Then I was sent off to a conference room, where my fellow surgery patients awaited the start of this meeting. Promptly 45 minutes after the designated start time, the nurse began to talk. (By the way, have I ever told you how much late people bug me? If I'm on time, shouldn't you be too? Just saying. . .) The one thing that strikes me about the surgeon's staff is that most, if not all of them, are former bariatric patients. I guess that is a good way to be able to relate to your patients and it definitely gives them an understanding of whats going on. In my experience, it also gives them an attitude of "been there, done that," which I'm not exactly appreciating right now. It was during the nurses not so rousing pep talk, that I realized that this meeting was more like a lecture on the insurance process and how we should all be on a 1200 calorie diet starting now. Yeah right. A nutritionist came in to talk about our diet over the next 3 months. I don't care what anybody else says, if you're overweight, you NEVER want to hear a size 2 lecture you on eating habits. As soon as she walked in the door I completely zoned out. Like she has ANY idea about eating habits of an obese person (and no, she wasn't one of the former surgical patients- THAT would have been an advertisement). So basically what I took away from that meeting was, for my insurance to pay for my surgery, I have to show a good faith effort and lose 6 pounds over a 3 month medically supervised weight loss period. 6 pounds total? Sounds easy enough to me. Now, can the ultra thin, anorexic looking nutritionist PLEASE SHUT UP?!? (Actually after the insurance talk, she did shut up. And the silence was the best thing I'd heard all day).
FEB 11 & 12, 2010
11 days into the month and I finally got my new insurance card for my new insurance carrier. I quickly faxed it over to my favorite insurance specialist at the surgeons office. The next day, I received a call from her that I finally have confirmation that I am DEFINITELY covered by insurance for some form of bariatric surgery. I still don't know which ones, but according to the insurance specialist, my new carrier is very good about covering whatever the doctor requests. So that was a VERY good day.
FEB 16, 2010
Its echo day! I'm mostly excited about this test, but I have NO idea why. Why would I be excited about getting pictures taken of my heart? I don't know, but I am. I was also excited that I took the whole day off for this test, but I didn't have to be there until the afternoon, so I spent the morning watching Olympic curling. I still don't fully understand that sport, but I like watching it! Anyway, I got to the office, met my echo tech and we got right to work. She started by taking the regular echo pictures. Mostly that didn't really involve anything major for me other than laying on the exam table quietly, but there were some times I felt like she was really jamming that wand in to my chest. And I don't care how hard you push, my ribs aren't going anywhere. Then, she hooked me up to a 10 lead EKG (which doesn't sound like much but that's a lot of wires hanging off your chest!) and called in a nurse for my stress echo. Now, I'm going to try to make this next part seem as dramatic as it actually was, but I will warn you that it seemed like a really BIG deal at the time. So, they put me on a treadmill and asked me to walk. The first 3 minutes were nice and slow. Then the treadmill jumped speeds and it was a little faster. At some point I asked how long I would be on the treadmill and the answer was until my heart rate reach 190 bmp. Are you F-ing kidding me? 190?!?!? So I walked for the next 3 minutes until the treadmill jumped speeds again. I'm not a runner and probably hadn't been on a treadmill since high school gym class! This was getting WAY out of control and I could hardly keep up! I made it about 8 minutes and my heart rate hit 185bmp when the nurse called it. And when I say she called it, I mean: she hit a red PANIC button on the treadmill which DEAD STOPPED while I was walking/running on it. Not cool. Then the echo tech was yelling for me to get on the table for the echo because apparently she only had 1 minute to get all the pictures of my heart she needed OR, I'D HAVE TO DO THIS ALL OVER. NO THANK YOU! (Note: This is still stressful for me and I'm typing this part SO fast. . .time to slow it down. . .) But everything worked out well and she got all pictures she needed. Start to finish, I was only in the doctors office for about 45 minutes. Well, I'm glad a took an ENTIRE day of vacation for this, but I did glimpse my Cardio-god on the way out. Also on the positive side, before my echo, my blood pressure was pretty high. After it was over, it had dropped back to a normal level, which the tech said was a side effect of the exercise.
Now doesn't that just open a brand new can of worms?
So I'm still awaiting my echo results. I have an appointment tomorrow for those. And I've made some progress on the side effects of exercise, and that will be my next post.
This is the day of my first 'group meeting' through the surgeons office. I'll admit I was a little nervous going into this. I wasn't exactly sure what a 'group meeting' involved and since I rarely consider myself a joiner, that kind of meeting seemed a little much for me. But as its all part of the process, I conjured up my bravery and set off to the meeting. I checked in at the surgeons office and was weighed in (actually GAINING weight from my last appointment). Then I was sent off to a conference room, where my fellow surgery patients awaited the start of this meeting. Promptly 45 minutes after the designated start time, the nurse began to talk. (By the way, have I ever told you how much late people bug me? If I'm on time, shouldn't you be too? Just saying. . .) The one thing that strikes me about the surgeon's staff is that most, if not all of them, are former bariatric patients. I guess that is a good way to be able to relate to your patients and it definitely gives them an understanding of whats going on. In my experience, it also gives them an attitude of "been there, done that," which I'm not exactly appreciating right now. It was during the nurses not so rousing pep talk, that I realized that this meeting was more like a lecture on the insurance process and how we should all be on a 1200 calorie diet starting now. Yeah right. A nutritionist came in to talk about our diet over the next 3 months. I don't care what anybody else says, if you're overweight, you NEVER want to hear a size 2 lecture you on eating habits. As soon as she walked in the door I completely zoned out. Like she has ANY idea about eating habits of an obese person (and no, she wasn't one of the former surgical patients- THAT would have been an advertisement). So basically what I took away from that meeting was, for my insurance to pay for my surgery, I have to show a good faith effort and lose 6 pounds over a 3 month medically supervised weight loss period. 6 pounds total? Sounds easy enough to me. Now, can the ultra thin, anorexic looking nutritionist PLEASE SHUT UP?!? (Actually after the insurance talk, she did shut up. And the silence was the best thing I'd heard all day).
FEB 11 & 12, 2010
11 days into the month and I finally got my new insurance card for my new insurance carrier. I quickly faxed it over to my favorite insurance specialist at the surgeons office. The next day, I received a call from her that I finally have confirmation that I am DEFINITELY covered by insurance for some form of bariatric surgery. I still don't know which ones, but according to the insurance specialist, my new carrier is very good about covering whatever the doctor requests. So that was a VERY good day.
FEB 16, 2010
Its echo day! I'm mostly excited about this test, but I have NO idea why. Why would I be excited about getting pictures taken of my heart? I don't know, but I am. I was also excited that I took the whole day off for this test, but I didn't have to be there until the afternoon, so I spent the morning watching Olympic curling. I still don't fully understand that sport, but I like watching it! Anyway, I got to the office, met my echo tech and we got right to work. She started by taking the regular echo pictures. Mostly that didn't really involve anything major for me other than laying on the exam table quietly, but there were some times I felt like she was really jamming that wand in to my chest. And I don't care how hard you push, my ribs aren't going anywhere. Then, she hooked me up to a 10 lead EKG (which doesn't sound like much but that's a lot of wires hanging off your chest!) and called in a nurse for my stress echo. Now, I'm going to try to make this next part seem as dramatic as it actually was, but I will warn you that it seemed like a really BIG deal at the time. So, they put me on a treadmill and asked me to walk. The first 3 minutes were nice and slow. Then the treadmill jumped speeds and it was a little faster. At some point I asked how long I would be on the treadmill and the answer was until my heart rate reach 190 bmp. Are you F-ing kidding me? 190?!?!? So I walked for the next 3 minutes until the treadmill jumped speeds again. I'm not a runner and probably hadn't been on a treadmill since high school gym class! This was getting WAY out of control and I could hardly keep up! I made it about 8 minutes and my heart rate hit 185bmp when the nurse called it. And when I say she called it, I mean: she hit a red PANIC button on the treadmill which DEAD STOPPED while I was walking/running on it. Not cool. Then the echo tech was yelling for me to get on the table for the echo because apparently she only had 1 minute to get all the pictures of my heart she needed OR, I'D HAVE TO DO THIS ALL OVER. NO THANK YOU! (Note: This is still stressful for me and I'm typing this part SO fast. . .time to slow it down. . .) But everything worked out well and she got all pictures she needed. Start to finish, I was only in the doctors office for about 45 minutes. Well, I'm glad a took an ENTIRE day of vacation for this, but I did glimpse my Cardio-god on the way out. Also on the positive side, before my echo, my blood pressure was pretty high. After it was over, it had dropped back to a normal level, which the tech said was a side effect of the exercise.
Now doesn't that just open a brand new can of worms?
So I'm still awaiting my echo results. I have an appointment tomorrow for those. And I've made some progress on the side effects of exercise, and that will be my next post.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Consult For Me Again, Dr McDreamy
JAN 28, 2010
Well cardiology day had finally arrived and it didn't take long to realize I'd found myself a true, blue Cardio-god (another 25 bonus points for the TV reference) for a specialist. (if you can't already hear it, imagine a soft angelic choir singing "ah-AH" in major chord progressions). I will admit that the nurse cracked me up, mostly because I was unintentionally cracking her up. So she came in, took the usual history, my pulse, and my blood pressure. Then she got up and handed me a gown, asked me to undress from the waist up and then left me alone. Ok, no problem. A few minutes later, she came back with this machine on a cart and asked me to lay on the examining table. Again, I can do that. Then she gets out all this little sticky pads and starts putting them all over me. Now you should know, that I'm pretty much game for whatever, but that I've never (to my knowledge) had any tests done on my heart, so I had no idea what was going on. So I asked the nurse exactly what she was doing and she said, "Setting up your EKG." Oh, ok. Wait. "What exactly is an EKG?" She looked at me and started laughing as she apologized saying that she never sees new patients and forgot that I wasn't a regular at this. It was at that point that she fully told me what was going on, which basically included me laying flat on a table for about 3 minutes. I like these kind of tests.
After a few more minutes, the doctor himself walked in. Now, I've been keeping my posts fairly anonymous as not to throw specific people under the bus, but I'm going to tell you my cardio doc's name mostly because if you have heart issues, you should demand to see him. Even if you don't live near Chicago, the drive might be worth it. Anyway, Dr J Stella came in to talk about my heart and the surgery and my EKG results.
Its important to note here that every one's heart operates slightly differently than the next person. Most of cardiology is based on generalizations. And, if every person went to have their ticker checked out, they would probably find out at least one way that they vary from the 'norm.'
Knowing that, what Dr. Stella told me was he found 1 smallish issue in my EKG. The first was that I have a Right Bundle Branch Blockage (RBBB). Ahhh-that sounds bad! But, alas, it is not. Basically as the good Dr explained, the heart has 4 chambers, 2 atria that sit atop 2 ventricles divided into right and left sides by a muscle called the septum. My understanding is that the septum between the right and left side of the heart is where the electrical impulse comes from to make the heart contract (beat). In a 'normal' heart, the impulse travels down the septum to the bottom of the heart and then up the sides of the ventricles to the atria, where the charge meets again. In my slightly abnormal heart, the charge goes down the septum but only travels up the left side, in a circular motion until it gets all the way back around to the septum. Dr Stella informed me that this is very common and is not a cause for concern. In fact, according to a study(that he actually quoted to me because he rocks) there is no evidence that a RBBB is a precursor or predeterminite factor for heart problems later in life. Score!
[Sidebar: I'm not a doctor, not a cardiologist, and have a little (but not much) medical training. Don't use me as a source. And do NOT skip seeing a cardiologist because I told you a RBBB is no big deal if you think you have one. Let your cardio-god tell you himself!]
My second issue Dr Stella found after listening to my heart was that he believed I have a small heart murmur. Again, that sounds bad. Unfortunately this time, he wasn't able to assure me so quickly that I needent worry about it. What we did do was schedule me for an echocardiogram (an ultrasound of the heart) and a stress echo (where they do the echo after exercise) for about 2 weeks out. And basically I get to stew over that diagnosis for the 3 weeks until my next appointment with him! (PostScript- At one of my best DQ moments, I did tell someone that they were aggravating my heart murmur. That was actually kind of fun)
See? What did I tell you all about 4 posts ago? If I was going to fail any portion of these consults it was going to be cardio. I haven't technically failed, but I've definitely been shuffled to the remedial section of class. More on the echo portion and my first "group meeting" at the surgeons office soon!
Well cardiology day had finally arrived and it didn't take long to realize I'd found myself a true, blue Cardio-god (another 25 bonus points for the TV reference) for a specialist. (if you can't already hear it, imagine a soft angelic choir singing "ah-AH" in major chord progressions). I will admit that the nurse cracked me up, mostly because I was unintentionally cracking her up. So she came in, took the usual history, my pulse, and my blood pressure. Then she got up and handed me a gown, asked me to undress from the waist up and then left me alone. Ok, no problem. A few minutes later, she came back with this machine on a cart and asked me to lay on the examining table. Again, I can do that. Then she gets out all this little sticky pads and starts putting them all over me. Now you should know, that I'm pretty much game for whatever, but that I've never (to my knowledge) had any tests done on my heart, so I had no idea what was going on. So I asked the nurse exactly what she was doing and she said, "Setting up your EKG." Oh, ok. Wait. "What exactly is an EKG?" She looked at me and started laughing as she apologized saying that she never sees new patients and forgot that I wasn't a regular at this. It was at that point that she fully told me what was going on, which basically included me laying flat on a table for about 3 minutes. I like these kind of tests.
After a few more minutes, the doctor himself walked in. Now, I've been keeping my posts fairly anonymous as not to throw specific people under the bus, but I'm going to tell you my cardio doc's name mostly because if you have heart issues, you should demand to see him. Even if you don't live near Chicago, the drive might be worth it. Anyway, Dr J Stella came in to talk about my heart and the surgery and my EKG results.
Its important to note here that every one's heart operates slightly differently than the next person. Most of cardiology is based on generalizations. And, if every person went to have their ticker checked out, they would probably find out at least one way that they vary from the 'norm.'
Knowing that, what Dr. Stella told me was he found 1 smallish issue in my EKG. The first was that I have a Right Bundle Branch Blockage (RBBB). Ahhh-that sounds bad! But, alas, it is not. Basically as the good Dr explained, the heart has 4 chambers, 2 atria that sit atop 2 ventricles divided into right and left sides by a muscle called the septum. My understanding is that the septum between the right and left side of the heart is where the electrical impulse comes from to make the heart contract (beat). In a 'normal' heart, the impulse travels down the septum to the bottom of the heart and then up the sides of the ventricles to the atria, where the charge meets again. In my slightly abnormal heart, the charge goes down the septum but only travels up the left side, in a circular motion until it gets all the way back around to the septum. Dr Stella informed me that this is very common and is not a cause for concern. In fact, according to a study(that he actually quoted to me because he rocks) there is no evidence that a RBBB is a precursor or predeterminite factor for heart problems later in life. Score!
[Sidebar: I'm not a doctor, not a cardiologist, and have a little (but not much) medical training. Don't use me as a source. And do NOT skip seeing a cardiologist because I told you a RBBB is no big deal if you think you have one. Let your cardio-god tell you himself!]
My second issue Dr Stella found after listening to my heart was that he believed I have a small heart murmur. Again, that sounds bad. Unfortunately this time, he wasn't able to assure me so quickly that I needent worry about it. What we did do was schedule me for an echocardiogram (an ultrasound of the heart) and a stress echo (where they do the echo after exercise) for about 2 weeks out. And basically I get to stew over that diagnosis for the 3 weeks until my next appointment with him! (PostScript- At one of my best DQ moments, I did tell someone that they were aggravating my heart murmur. That was actually kind of fun)
See? What did I tell you all about 4 posts ago? If I was going to fail any portion of these consults it was going to be cardio. I haven't technically failed, but I've definitely been shuffled to the remedial section of class. More on the echo portion and my first "group meeting" at the surgeons office soon!
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Consults, Part 1
JAN 21, 2010
Today, my surgical clearance consults began! I began my morning with a venti, non-fat, no whip white mocha at Starbucks and I was off to visit the psychologist for a written exam. As I entered the office I found the place to be comforting and quaint (which is probably good for that kind of office), but there were these weird machines all over the place making strange noises and the whole office smelled like oranges. I had trouble figuring the place out. The receptionist put me in a room with a laptop and a desk. As she was explaining to me the procedure, I learned that there was a questionnaire about eating habits and weight loss. Then there was an 'exam' of sorts on the computer that asked all sorts of questions about my personality that was about 180 questions long. Then, she said the final 'exam' on the computer was 500 questions long. Seriously?!? You want me to answer 680 questions about my personality? The thought running through my head was, "You're gonna fail, you're gonna fail, you're gonna fail." Great, where do I put THAT thought? (Again MSN, still waiting on that sarcasm font). But I sat down and got to it. Really most of the questions were true/false or yes/no and a good majority of them looked very similar, mostly like, "Do you hear voices?" "Is the man in your TV trying to tell you something?" "Do you feel like there is someone standing over your shoulder right now?" Ok, I'll have to admit, I did look behind me after that one. So how do I answer? For the long test, all questions were T/F so I kind of got in a rhythm to get them answered quickly and I think I missed about 4 questions. So all in all, not so bad.
JAN 22, 2010
The next day, I had to go back to the office with the strange machines on the floors that smelled like oranges to meet with my shrink. I've never seen a shrink, except when my parents divorced when I was about 7. But that really doesn't count because I distinctly remember lying to that guy. (Hmmm maybe shouldn't tell my new shrink about that one huh?) The first thing he did after introducing himself was explain to me that the machines on the floor were white noise so people couldn't hear conversations of the patients. Ahhh, light dawns on Marblehead. (50 bonus points if you get the 80s movie reference). Now, you have to understand that I felt like a was pretty messed up in the head and I wasn't exactly sure how this was going to go. I had made myself a promise that I would be completely honest, no matter how crazy it made me sound. But you know what? Some of you might disagree, but according to my shrink, I'm perfectly normal in my brain. Whoa! Seriously?!? The 3 issues that I thought for sure I'd get hung up on were my parents divorce, my grandmothers death, and a particularly painful breakup. Nope, my reactions and feelings were normal, normal, and slightly vengeful, but normal. All I can say is: ?!?!?!? He asked my about bariatric surgery and my ability to follow through. And I was surprised at how much I actually knew about the procedure and the recovery process (I HAD been doing a lot of research). At the end of my hour, he shook my hand and told me he'd write up my clearance and get it sent to the surgeon in about a week. Wow! This was the most painless process.
One down. 2 to go.
JAN 26, 2010
Its pulmonology day! I will admit that I was slightly annoyed that I had to take off work to go see this guy because "he only sees new patients during the day." I don't find that practice to be all that accommodating, but really what his office was telling me was, show up and I'll sign your permission slip. Basically my clearance procedure included a tech of some sort sticking me in a chamber and sealing it off and making me breathe oddly in a tube. That process took about an hour. Then I waited almost another hour to see the doctor. He and I spoke for exactly 6 minutes and he said, "Thanks for coming in. Good luck with surgery." I physically watched him write "CLEARED" in big sloppy handwriting on the jacket of my chart. As I walked up front to check out, he tossed my chart and the receptionist and said, we have a form letter in the file. Put her name on it and send it to the surgeon. Well thanks for your time, Doc. By the way, did you want to look at the chest Xray you requested? No, you think the radiologist had it under control? Oh yes, I feel super confident in your abilities.
Now I have 2 done and cleared. Just the cardiologist left and more on him in my next post!
Today, my surgical clearance consults began! I began my morning with a venti, non-fat, no whip white mocha at Starbucks and I was off to visit the psychologist for a written exam. As I entered the office I found the place to be comforting and quaint (which is probably good for that kind of office), but there were these weird machines all over the place making strange noises and the whole office smelled like oranges. I had trouble figuring the place out. The receptionist put me in a room with a laptop and a desk. As she was explaining to me the procedure, I learned that there was a questionnaire about eating habits and weight loss. Then there was an 'exam' of sorts on the computer that asked all sorts of questions about my personality that was about 180 questions long. Then, she said the final 'exam' on the computer was 500 questions long. Seriously?!? You want me to answer 680 questions about my personality? The thought running through my head was, "You're gonna fail, you're gonna fail, you're gonna fail." Great, where do I put THAT thought? (Again MSN, still waiting on that sarcasm font). But I sat down and got to it. Really most of the questions were true/false or yes/no and a good majority of them looked very similar, mostly like, "Do you hear voices?" "Is the man in your TV trying to tell you something?" "Do you feel like there is someone standing over your shoulder right now?" Ok, I'll have to admit, I did look behind me after that one. So how do I answer? For the long test, all questions were T/F so I kind of got in a rhythm to get them answered quickly and I think I missed about 4 questions. So all in all, not so bad.
JAN 22, 2010
The next day, I had to go back to the office with the strange machines on the floors that smelled like oranges to meet with my shrink. I've never seen a shrink, except when my parents divorced when I was about 7. But that really doesn't count because I distinctly remember lying to that guy. (Hmmm maybe shouldn't tell my new shrink about that one huh?) The first thing he did after introducing himself was explain to me that the machines on the floor were white noise so people couldn't hear conversations of the patients. Ahhh, light dawns on Marblehead. (50 bonus points if you get the 80s movie reference). Now, you have to understand that I felt like a was pretty messed up in the head and I wasn't exactly sure how this was going to go. I had made myself a promise that I would be completely honest, no matter how crazy it made me sound. But you know what? Some of you might disagree, but according to my shrink, I'm perfectly normal in my brain. Whoa! Seriously?!? The 3 issues that I thought for sure I'd get hung up on were my parents divorce, my grandmothers death, and a particularly painful breakup. Nope, my reactions and feelings were normal, normal, and slightly vengeful, but normal. All I can say is: ?!?!?!? He asked my about bariatric surgery and my ability to follow through. And I was surprised at how much I actually knew about the procedure and the recovery process (I HAD been doing a lot of research). At the end of my hour, he shook my hand and told me he'd write up my clearance and get it sent to the surgeon in about a week. Wow! This was the most painless process.
One down. 2 to go.
JAN 26, 2010
Its pulmonology day! I will admit that I was slightly annoyed that I had to take off work to go see this guy because "he only sees new patients during the day." I don't find that practice to be all that accommodating, but really what his office was telling me was, show up and I'll sign your permission slip. Basically my clearance procedure included a tech of some sort sticking me in a chamber and sealing it off and making me breathe oddly in a tube. That process took about an hour. Then I waited almost another hour to see the doctor. He and I spoke for exactly 6 minutes and he said, "Thanks for coming in. Good luck with surgery." I physically watched him write "CLEARED" in big sloppy handwriting on the jacket of my chart. As I walked up front to check out, he tossed my chart and the receptionist and said, we have a form letter in the file. Put her name on it and send it to the surgeon. Well thanks for your time, Doc. By the way, did you want to look at the chest Xray you requested? No, you think the radiologist had it under control? Oh yes, I feel super confident in your abilities.
Now I have 2 done and cleared. Just the cardiologist left and more on him in my next post!
Friday, January 29, 2010
These Moments Sponsored by DQ
The thing people need to know about me is this: I'm an over reactor, a true yet unintentional drama queen (a DQ). If you've ever seen the Steve Martin remake of the Father of the Bride, you might remember Steve Martin's character telling his future son-in-law that his fiancee is an over reactor and comes from a long line of over reactors. That's me. And someday, my father will probably have to have that conversation with some guy on my behalf. I don't usually mean to overreact, it just seems to happen. Knowing this, you probably won't be surprised when I tell you this surgical process is stressing me out because everything isn't going perfectly and there have been a few opportunities to flip out.
JAN 19, 2010
The first one came just hours after my last post when my appointment with the cardiologist, the one that's not technically covered by my insurance, was scheduled. I did my due diligence on this one (and everything else that's relates to insurance) and got approval in writing from the insurance company to see this specialist. So the time comes, and I show up exactly 11 minutes before my appointment.
[SIDEBAR: Being 10-13 minutes early for a new patient appointment is the exact right amount of time to be early. You need at least 10 minutes to fill out the paperwork, handle the co-pay and have copies of your ID and insurance cards made. You don't want to be more than 13 minutes early because then you look a little like you WANT to be at this appointment. Even if you do WANT to be at the appointment you don't want to APPEAR like you want to be at this appointment, it gives the doctors & their support staffs too much power over you. Its the same way you never take the first option when scheduling your next appointment. You have to show them you're not a pushover sometimes or they will have you by the balls for the entirety of your professional relationship.]
Anyway, so I'm at this clinic, ready (but not eager) get this appointment over with. I don't know why, but the feeling in my gut is that if I'm going to fail any of these consults, its going to be the heart one. Don't ask why I feel that way, I just do. As I'm checking in, the nice receptionist informs me that there is NO cardiologist at that location on Tuesdays. Oh snap! I feel an overreaction coming on. Not only is there no cardiologist in the building on Tuesdays, the receptionist can't look me up as a patient because they don't do their own scheduling. So I called the main number and was told that my appointment was for FEBRUARY 19, not January 19. Even 10 days later, I'm still feeling myself getting worked up for this. I spoke very sternly with that receptionist. My contention was (and still is) that I was truly planning on being through my consults by Feb 1 in hopes of having surgery scheduled by the end of that month and therefore would not have accepted an appointment in the middle of February. After a few minutes of my raised voice, I had pretty much battered up the receptionist, so she transferred me to her boss. I gave her the same riot act. I admit I was overreacting and she did try to reschedule me for later in the week, but my response was, "If I can't trust your office to handle appointments, how can I trust your office with handling my heart?" Yes, its a DQ moment, but still a valid question. I canceled with them all together and ended up rescheduling with a cardiologist I knew was in my network.
JAN 20, 2010
My heart rate and blood pressure got about a day or so to calm down when I got the memo from my company: "Our Insurance Carrier is Changing Effective 2/1." What?!? Oh, hell no. You're going to inform me of an insurance change 11 days out? I was aware of the possibility of changing carriers, but I never would have imagined that it would happen so quickly. That DQ moment was a pretty private one, but did include some door slamming and a small lake-full of tears. Basically, all the work that I had put into this surgery could have potentially been for nothing. I don't even know if the new carrier covers bariatric surgery. And I won't know until the 2nd or 3rd week in Feb. So again, I'm left waiting for weight loss.
(The next posts are on my psych consult, my chest xray and pulmonology appt, and my cardiology appt that I actually got into see. Can anybody say McDreamy?)
JAN 19, 2010
The first one came just hours after my last post when my appointment with the cardiologist, the one that's not technically covered by my insurance, was scheduled. I did my due diligence on this one (and everything else that's relates to insurance) and got approval in writing from the insurance company to see this specialist. So the time comes, and I show up exactly 11 minutes before my appointment.
[SIDEBAR: Being 10-13 minutes early for a new patient appointment is the exact right amount of time to be early. You need at least 10 minutes to fill out the paperwork, handle the co-pay and have copies of your ID and insurance cards made. You don't want to be more than 13 minutes early because then you look a little like you WANT to be at this appointment. Even if you do WANT to be at the appointment you don't want to APPEAR like you want to be at this appointment, it gives the doctors & their support staffs too much power over you. Its the same way you never take the first option when scheduling your next appointment. You have to show them you're not a pushover sometimes or they will have you by the balls for the entirety of your professional relationship.]
Anyway, so I'm at this clinic, ready (but not eager) get this appointment over with. I don't know why, but the feeling in my gut is that if I'm going to fail any of these consults, its going to be the heart one. Don't ask why I feel that way, I just do. As I'm checking in, the nice receptionist informs me that there is NO cardiologist at that location on Tuesdays. Oh snap! I feel an overreaction coming on. Not only is there no cardiologist in the building on Tuesdays, the receptionist can't look me up as a patient because they don't do their own scheduling. So I called the main number and was told that my appointment was for FEBRUARY 19, not January 19. Even 10 days later, I'm still feeling myself getting worked up for this. I spoke very sternly with that receptionist. My contention was (and still is) that I was truly planning on being through my consults by Feb 1 in hopes of having surgery scheduled by the end of that month and therefore would not have accepted an appointment in the middle of February. After a few minutes of my raised voice, I had pretty much battered up the receptionist, so she transferred me to her boss. I gave her the same riot act. I admit I was overreacting and she did try to reschedule me for later in the week, but my response was, "If I can't trust your office to handle appointments, how can I trust your office with handling my heart?" Yes, its a DQ moment, but still a valid question. I canceled with them all together and ended up rescheduling with a cardiologist I knew was in my network.
JAN 20, 2010
My heart rate and blood pressure got about a day or so to calm down when I got the memo from my company: "Our Insurance Carrier is Changing Effective 2/1." What?!? Oh, hell no. You're going to inform me of an insurance change 11 days out? I was aware of the possibility of changing carriers, but I never would have imagined that it would happen so quickly. That DQ moment was a pretty private one, but did include some door slamming and a small lake-full of tears. Basically, all the work that I had put into this surgery could have potentially been for nothing. I don't even know if the new carrier covers bariatric surgery. And I won't know until the 2nd or 3rd week in Feb. So again, I'm left waiting for weight loss.
(The next posts are on my psych consult, my chest xray and pulmonology appt, and my cardiology appt that I actually got into see. Can anybody say McDreamy?)
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
The Beginning Part 2
JAN 8, 2010
During the 3 weeks between the first informational meeting and my consultation, I found out that my insurance company covers bariatric surgery (Round 1: I win). Shortly after that, I found out the company I work for would be getting a different insurance carrier in 4 weeks (Round 2: I lose). I'll be honest and say that I've never really had to use my insurance for anything major like this, so this 'game' is all new to me (more on insurance later). Despite all the insurance worry, the time had finally come for my consultation. I was weighed and measured and of course found that I was heavier and shorter than I had expected. Nothing like finding out you're an inch and a half shorter than you thought you were. I spoke with the doctor regarding history and options, but mostly we talked about which surgical option would be the best for me. I never really understood complaints about the bureaucratic system that gets between patients and doctors until that day. Basically the answer to the insurance game in this case is to throw a bunch of stuff at a wall and see what sticks. Or in a less imagery-riddled version, my surgeon was going to petition for 2 different kinds of weight loss surgery and my insurance company gets to decide which one is right for me. (The temptation to delve into the current health care debate right now is almost too much to resist. Almost.) In the mean time, while I'm waiting for my insurance friends to decide my surgical fate, I was given the task of getting clearance for surgery by a cardiologist (heart), a pulmonologist (lungs), and a psychologist (mind). Oh, I could tell, this all was going to be good. (And right there would be an excellent use of a 'sarcasm' font. Microsoft, I'm a PC but Windows 7 wasn't my idea. This is my idea. Can you get on that please?)
JAN 11, 2010
It was Monday morning and I was PUMPED. Lets get in to see these doctors. Poke me, prod me, psychoanalyze me. Just clear me for surgery. First up, calling the psychologist. The references I was given included 4 names. Only 2 of which were within an hours drive. Of the 2 remaining, only 1 was covered by my insurance. Ding, Ding, Ding!!! We have our winner. So I called, not fully understanding what exactly I needed to ask for, other than "clearance for bariatric surgery." And I may not have been exactly forthcoming with that information. As the woman answered the phone at this psychologists office, she asked me if I was calling for myself or someone I care about. (Technically, I think I do care about myself, so is the answer both? Just saying). Then I was asked about the urgency of my call and if I needed immediate assistance she could call 911 on another line for me. What?!? Oh right, this doctor must handle some pretty serious cases. Sometimes its easy to forget that my elective bariatric surgery is not as important as say a suicidal psych patient. But after that, I learned that surgical clearance is a 2 day process that includes a 2-3 hour handwritten exam and a 1 hour session with a psychologist. Hi, I know we haven't met, but I'm fat, not crazy. I can tell instantly, I better keep my sarcasm under control or this surgery thing will be no more than a dream. OK, so being serious, I scheduled myself for both appointments and luckily they are only 10 days out, so not too bad.
My next call is to the pulmonogists office. There were about 6 six references, but I could only pronounce 2 of the last names. I know, I know, I'm sure Drs. Jaripati, Gaddihar, and Sankari are all excellent physicians, but I'd rather go with an old Hebrew name like Cohen. And BONUS, the good Jewish doctor is covered by my insurance. (I realize how xenophobic I sound, but I'm really not. Ask my Jewish or Pakistani cousins. They'll tell you the truth.) Anyway, I call and get an appointment for 2 weeks later- again, faster than I expected. The only thing I have to remember is, I need a chest X-Ray to bring to the appointment because apparently the one I had taken a little over a year ago after inhaling stomach acid was no good. OK self, remember GET A CHEST X-Ray. And the great receptionist at the pulmonologists office even called in the orders for me, so all I have to do is walk into the hospital M-F from 8-6 and tell them my name. Most excellent.
Finally, I call the cardiologist. The list of names that I was referred to includes no one that is specifically covered by my insurance. Fan-frickin-tastic. But I learned, if I see a cardiologist at a clinic within the hospital network, they're all covered. Ok, I'm starting to see a pattern in the red tape. So I made an appointment for the 19th. That was 1 week and 1 day away and that means I got ALL 3 consultations scheduled in the first 2 weeks. Is this really the American health care system at work? I'll admit I'm thoroughly impressed.
So now, all appointments and consultations are scheduled. I even got signed up for my first support group meeting through my surgeons office that is about 3 weeks away! At the end of that day, I was feeling pretty good about it all.
During the 3 weeks between the first informational meeting and my consultation, I found out that my insurance company covers bariatric surgery (Round 1: I win). Shortly after that, I found out the company I work for would be getting a different insurance carrier in 4 weeks (Round 2: I lose). I'll be honest and say that I've never really had to use my insurance for anything major like this, so this 'game' is all new to me (more on insurance later). Despite all the insurance worry, the time had finally come for my consultation. I was weighed and measured and of course found that I was heavier and shorter than I had expected. Nothing like finding out you're an inch and a half shorter than you thought you were. I spoke with the doctor regarding history and options, but mostly we talked about which surgical option would be the best for me. I never really understood complaints about the bureaucratic system that gets between patients and doctors until that day. Basically the answer to the insurance game in this case is to throw a bunch of stuff at a wall and see what sticks. Or in a less imagery-riddled version, my surgeon was going to petition for 2 different kinds of weight loss surgery and my insurance company gets to decide which one is right for me. (The temptation to delve into the current health care debate right now is almost too much to resist. Almost.) In the mean time, while I'm waiting for my insurance friends to decide my surgical fate, I was given the task of getting clearance for surgery by a cardiologist (heart), a pulmonologist (lungs), and a psychologist (mind). Oh, I could tell, this all was going to be good. (And right there would be an excellent use of a 'sarcasm' font. Microsoft, I'm a PC but Windows 7 wasn't my idea. This is my idea. Can you get on that please?)
JAN 11, 2010
It was Monday morning and I was PUMPED. Lets get in to see these doctors. Poke me, prod me, psychoanalyze me. Just clear me for surgery. First up, calling the psychologist. The references I was given included 4 names. Only 2 of which were within an hours drive. Of the 2 remaining, only 1 was covered by my insurance. Ding, Ding, Ding!!! We have our winner. So I called, not fully understanding what exactly I needed to ask for, other than "clearance for bariatric surgery." And I may not have been exactly forthcoming with that information. As the woman answered the phone at this psychologists office, she asked me if I was calling for myself or someone I care about. (Technically, I think I do care about myself, so is the answer both? Just saying). Then I was asked about the urgency of my call and if I needed immediate assistance she could call 911 on another line for me. What?!? Oh right, this doctor must handle some pretty serious cases. Sometimes its easy to forget that my elective bariatric surgery is not as important as say a suicidal psych patient. But after that, I learned that surgical clearance is a 2 day process that includes a 2-3 hour handwritten exam and a 1 hour session with a psychologist. Hi, I know we haven't met, but I'm fat, not crazy. I can tell instantly, I better keep my sarcasm under control or this surgery thing will be no more than a dream. OK, so being serious, I scheduled myself for both appointments and luckily they are only 10 days out, so not too bad.
My next call is to the pulmonogists office. There were about 6 six references, but I could only pronounce 2 of the last names. I know, I know, I'm sure Drs. Jaripati, Gaddihar, and Sankari are all excellent physicians, but I'd rather go with an old Hebrew name like Cohen. And BONUS, the good Jewish doctor is covered by my insurance. (I realize how xenophobic I sound, but I'm really not. Ask my Jewish or Pakistani cousins. They'll tell you the truth.) Anyway, I call and get an appointment for 2 weeks later- again, faster than I expected. The only thing I have to remember is, I need a chest X-Ray to bring to the appointment because apparently the one I had taken a little over a year ago after inhaling stomach acid was no good. OK self, remember GET A CHEST X-Ray. And the great receptionist at the pulmonologists office even called in the orders for me, so all I have to do is walk into the hospital M-F from 8-6 and tell them my name. Most excellent.
Finally, I call the cardiologist. The list of names that I was referred to includes no one that is specifically covered by my insurance. Fan-frickin-tastic. But I learned, if I see a cardiologist at a clinic within the hospital network, they're all covered. Ok, I'm starting to see a pattern in the red tape. So I made an appointment for the 19th. That was 1 week and 1 day away and that means I got ALL 3 consultations scheduled in the first 2 weeks. Is this really the American health care system at work? I'll admit I'm thoroughly impressed.
So now, all appointments and consultations are scheduled. I even got signed up for my first support group meeting through my surgeons office that is about 3 weeks away! At the end of that day, I was feeling pretty good about it all.
The Beginning
I am 26 years old and I think I'm pretty typical for my age. I have a job that pays the bills. I'm single and looking for a man that . . . well, thats a different topic all together. I have a great family and amazing friends. Typical in most ways, but I would say most is the operative word. The one area that I would consider my self atypical about myself is my weight. Yes, all women have parts of themselves they dislike, but this is not that kind of issue. I am not considered overweight, or obese even. I believe the words used for me are 'morbidly obese.' I'm sure there are all sorts of questions about how do you let yourself get so far overweight. My answer is, its really not that hard. A small problem gradually becomes a bigger problem until it takes some event for you to realize its not a small problem anymore.
NOV 2, 2009
For me it was a simple question asked to me from a gate agent when I was going on vacation. "Can you sit comfortably in a seat with both arm rests down?" An innocent enough question thats probably standard for airlines, but that question changed my life. I, of course, lied to that nice lady and was uncomfortable on both my outbound and return flights, but the foundation had been laid.
I spent the better part of the following month obsessing over how a want to lose weight had become a need to lose weight. I thought about how I would go about this incredibly daunting task. Should I join a gym? Buy a diet book? Try to develop an eating disorder? (As some of my closest friends say, I've got the binge part down, but I'm still working on the purge part). How do I get through the holidays without gaining more weight? I began thinking about my most likely options and I have tried Weight Watchers, Atkins, South Beach, and a few of the fad diets (maybe the taco bell diet this year???), but I wanted a more permanent solution. Through the magic of the internet and having the world at my fingertips, I started to do some research on bariatric surgery, in the beginning specifically on banding systems (lapband, realize, etc). And this, I came to understand, was the beginning of the end of my weight battle.
DEC 16, 2009
So on a very cold, snowy Chicago night, I went to an informational meeting regarding weight loss surgery. The surgeon spoke for about an hour on benefits, risks, eligibility, prerequisites, insurance & costs, and on his personal abilities and successes with surgery. As I sat there, I found myself thinking that it was kind of like sitting in a sales pitch for something I already knew I wanted to buy. Later that night, in discussing it with my family, a decision was made that surgery would be a feasible option for me. I scheduled a consulation and was left to wait for weightloss.
There is more to this story, but my inherent loquaciousness limits how much I can cover in one post! Stay tuned, because this post will be the most boring of all.
NOV 2, 2009
For me it was a simple question asked to me from a gate agent when I was going on vacation. "Can you sit comfortably in a seat with both arm rests down?" An innocent enough question thats probably standard for airlines, but that question changed my life. I, of course, lied to that nice lady and was uncomfortable on both my outbound and return flights, but the foundation had been laid.
I spent the better part of the following month obsessing over how a want to lose weight had become a need to lose weight. I thought about how I would go about this incredibly daunting task. Should I join a gym? Buy a diet book? Try to develop an eating disorder? (As some of my closest friends say, I've got the binge part down, but I'm still working on the purge part). How do I get through the holidays without gaining more weight? I began thinking about my most likely options and I have tried Weight Watchers, Atkins, South Beach, and a few of the fad diets (maybe the taco bell diet this year???), but I wanted a more permanent solution. Through the magic of the internet and having the world at my fingertips, I started to do some research on bariatric surgery, in the beginning specifically on banding systems (lapband, realize, etc). And this, I came to understand, was the beginning of the end of my weight battle.
DEC 16, 2009
So on a very cold, snowy Chicago night, I went to an informational meeting regarding weight loss surgery. The surgeon spoke for about an hour on benefits, risks, eligibility, prerequisites, insurance & costs, and on his personal abilities and successes with surgery. As I sat there, I found myself thinking that it was kind of like sitting in a sales pitch for something I already knew I wanted to buy. Later that night, in discussing it with my family, a decision was made that surgery would be a feasible option for me. I scheduled a consulation and was left to wait for weightloss.
There is more to this story, but my inherent loquaciousness limits how much I can cover in one post! Stay tuned, because this post will be the most boring of all.
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